Yo-Pro Dieting

A slightly satirical  dietary breakdown of the average young professional single person. *I do not endorse this diet, although I have participated on past occasions.


  1. Coffee and Dessert disguised as vegan breakfast (24%)  The twenties are a time filled with studying, self-discovery, and conversations: all of which, are activities enhanced by the company of others and the addition of stimulants or snacks. Thus the coffee houses have become a hub for  anything from study groups, first dates, mentorship meetings, discussions of depth, or even fraternity frappuccinos.
  2.  Peanut Butter and or Eggs (24%)  To stave off starvation when alone, and to make up for any budget deficits from category 1, cheap yet calorically dense ingredients are kept in stock at all times.
  3. Chips, Salsa, and Guacamole (24%)  Whether it’s the SuperBowl, a Bible study, or a rowdy game night, the simple chips and guacamole option is a crowd pleaser meant to free the host of the burden of cooking and feeding duties. However, due to overtime cubicle workdays, trendy intermittent fast experiments, or plain lack of grocery foresight, guests typically arrive ravenous for both calories and companionship. A couple dozen chatty corn crunches later, the snack has been made justifiable as a meal only by means of the guacamolean healthy fats.
  4.  Trader Joe’s Salads (24%) To combat the risks of detrimental health effects from excessive consumption of 1-3 above, the trusty Trader Joe’s salad is the go to dietary solution in the event of a time crunch or near “hangry” emergency.

<4% …Premeditated Paleo Pinterest Meals  On January 2nd, roommates across America flock to grocery stores with the following items in hand: a shared wholesale membership card, an environmentally friendly canvas bag, and a paper printed color wheel—just to verify if the rich hues of the organic vegetables match those of the pixelated picture. But after weeping over chopped onions, handling slimy chicken, and eventually feeling sad and unfulfilled about dining on the culinary complexities solo—the New Year’s resolution falls dormant. But not forever. Because at the moment of marriage, the Pinterest diet will naturally jump to the top of the charts surpassing even peanut butter and eggs. Or at least, that’s the common assumption.

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